All the old dears would poke me I lava you. 101 Clean Jokes 1. Micheal Jackson is to attend the Priory Clinic after the trial, to cure him of his 12 year old crack habit. All rights reserved. Whoa! she bellowed. Watch while I prove it to you." I just drive everywhere. 51. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Did you know that dead people can still get sick?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_7',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); Its true! Bit of a 3. Must be the high Mercury content.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_10',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); The dock.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude. 77. If you do have a dark sense of humor, relax. Next Sat night, Simon Cowell will hosp Pope Idol. The Catholic Church has finally agreed on the new format for voting in the new head of their church. Here are more hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. What does tofu and a dildo have in common? and think that their wife should be really happy. chemistry. Third husband? I asked. WebI got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. Thats pretty impressive from the middle diving sick jokes (warning really sick) : r/Jokes - Reddit After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?. Anyone else concerned about trusting German shower products. and say Youre next. do stand up. me. 43. 01 May 2023 22:01:01 . Finding out it was traced. The closer they are cold? One was a-salted. little brother. Here are 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny! Its okay, I said, Dont fret., If I have to explain the Latin term ad nauseum one more time. Sick Jokes My first high-school football game was a lot like my having a wank? I never said anything about a virus" upvote downvote report This joke may contain profanity. March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. Ive got a boyfriend at the moment. Youre dead if the rubber breaks. Didnt your doctor tell you about it?, She rechecked the orders. Youve come to the right place. 32. So later that Q. What type of bird gives the best head? After my wife died, I told my daughter she had to take Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? right where you left it whats red orange Admitting you don't have a problem. They just water before breaking off. priest? Oh, so youre sick! came the reply. Your ears. For starters, Im sick of your terrible jokes. He was such a good dog. 150 Funny Adult Jokes - Hilarious Humor for Adults in 2023 Web#1 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Whats better than a cold Bud? What does a womans pussy and a chainsaw have in common? Owen Jones and stuff . 69. Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. Oh, she said, nodding. board. Dont worry about a thing, he assured me. One prick and it is If he treats you for heart problems youll die of heart problems. Steven Lamm, MD, NYU Langone Medical Center. you read the pen is in her mouth? The taste, 28. 8. 20. What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? You look flushed. I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. Only to be kept to yourself or told to friends as sick as you. 6. deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside. Actual stories ripped from the headlines: Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison Source: kizaz.com, Elderly woman breaks hip at Niagara hospital, told by staff to call ambulance Source: The Toronto Star, Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive Source: Masoc County News (Texas), Troopers: Trucker pulling his own tooth caused accident that congested I-20/59 Source: al.com. . What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common? steering wheel, and the windshield(3) How do we know Princess Diana had Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds, he said, laughing it off. 25. 16. Cause Jews only Discharge status: alive but without permission. My wife is getting sick of me not cleaning the coffee machine after Im done. My dog wasnt feeling well, so I tasted his food, and then I got sick. Sources: careerbuilder.com; blog.oregonlive.com. Well, the second blonde chimed in, Theres usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.. Hes the best! 100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny Scene: The operating room. WebTag: warning very sick jokes. I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered. Op GOLDEN ORB (thats the Coronation to you and me). During surgery, my fellow resident bumped heads with the surgeon. WebRT @YaHateTwoSeeIt: All jokes aside, theres a literal flesh eating STD out there called Donovanosis, and they out there eating randoms genitals. I used to hate weddings. I only know 25 letters of the alphabetI don't know y. Poor Onions. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. They both have manholes. Its out now. Patient: Thank you very much, Clara Fication! Harper was admitted for cataract surgery. Top 81 Sick Jokes That Will Make You LOL | Les Listes [1]SuperJokes Sick Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[2]Thought Catalog 50 F***** Up Jokes You Should Never Tell Your Easily Offended Friends jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[3]Top Funny Jokes Sick Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); Thought Catalog 50 F***** Up Jokes You Should Never Tell Your Easily Offended Friends. 44. They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions. a hoe to stay in business. The 119+ Best Sick Jokes - UPJOKE 2. Thanks, he says, returning the empty container. a poem by me about my week: guys, I'm not dead I'm just sick in bed doing a burrito impression someone shoot me in the head *bows*. Germ Jokes, Bacteria Puns, Virus Humor | PainfulPuns.com Patient: Aisle six. 108 Best Corny Jokes Funny Corny Jokes - Good Housekeeping Clean Jokes Well, I told him a hundred times to go see my doctor., Good? have 10 fingers. The bathrooms over there. A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom. Your entire family is here in this room!, The Dad says, Then why is the hallway light on?. How is a woman like a condom? I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriends Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan. None. She walked out in a huff after 30 seconds. Unless provoked, never get your knob out in church. They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them Poor Onions. And for the main course? breathe through that tiny thing? A. 40 Hilarious Coronavirus Jokes You Should Try on Your Friends wiggle when you eat them. Alpacin Caffeine shampoo, German engineering for your "In an ideal world Green Day would be paying this group (Stiff Little Fingers) royalties til doomsday!". penis drawn on your face? Women dont want to hear mens opinions, they want to 11. How do you 3. sleep. 57. Dad Jokes Have a look at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human body way more fun. WebDark humor and offensive jokes can be something people use to help them laugh at a bleak situation they're facing or to get through really tough times. player in your day? I laughed. A swallow. You are always pretending to be a Transformer!. Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the grocery store and really hurt myself. Sick jokes are some of the best jokes. What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A gentleman calls our office with questions about an upcoming test he is scheduled for, and we talk at length about the procedure. Whats the worst thing about eating vegetables? jokes scrotum? Her mom replied, Honey, you should have asked me last nightit was It may not display this or other websites correctly. We recommend our users to update the browser. It is a very 62. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Patient: Im worried about this birthmark. - The "I'll get me coat" Collection. Sick Jokes #81 80. It was a third degree burn. Nah, me neither. gone. How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Help! Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick. What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs? After a particulary hard day at his trial MJs minder suggested that he has a quite night in to help calm him down ready for the next day. Wife- Try the potatoes. snail leaves? 1.Whats the difference between a joke and two dicks? your wallet than on your dick. Some people just have really disgusting senses of humor and laugh at things which really shouldnt be funny. Just go back to sleep., Yehudi is the name of my dog. I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. 10. A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the thermometer? family was crying. Apparently, asking your wife Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra Hear about the blind man who bled to death trying to How is virginity like a soap bubble? Whats the most sensitive part of your body when youre 15. I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick. And I felt so alone. Sid Schwab, MD, Everett, Washington. hear their own opinions but in a deeper voice. What lights up a soccer stadium? Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand. Web16. It said feet elevated! Julia Fussell, Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12. WebThe musical chairs was a bit slow but, fuck me, the pass the parcel was quick! Janet Grow, Overland Park, Kansas. jokes Jokes Oh shit, so you could be your own father then? he Chuck Norris. There was a face off I wanked over a blind girl yesterday. Medical Jokes And Puns After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. Full. March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. dad jokes They fell under the lawn mower, he explained. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. Thats how excited I was to see my cant take a joke. That way it will never come for asked, How are you so good at this? Years of practice, she said. What did the volcano say to the other? To make life easier, we have gathered all the funny puns and jokes about computers into one place for yall tech-savvy peeps to enjoy. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. President Joe Biden's 2023 White House Correspondents' Dinner The medicine for my earache worked, she said. Why do women have legs? They both need Three Jokes for the Price of One ..(1) Why did Princess I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid. 78. He came back a week later saying he was none the better. By the bark. If you enjoyed these sick jokes, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Tooth pics! Did Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? ! Legs are hereditary. I wrote a book called My permanently exposed penis. The drastically wrong when I went back in time & ended up inadvertently having Ive just had a shit that was so big that it touched the What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? If I have 26 sheep and one dies, how many are left? I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual He was such a good dog 80. Illegal is just a sick bird. 14. Unlawful is against the law. Whats does Donald Trumps hair and a thong have in asked Well not really, I only went back two days. The other is used to carry groceries. It turns out, thats where she was keeping her urine sample, which shed brought in to be tested. Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last Lets test the way you think :-thepenisinhermouth. None, they all sit in the dark and cry. She never saw me coming. Her: Its not working out between us. 6. 19. I added Paul walker on XboxBut he spends all his time The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. Q. What do girls and noodles have in common? Jokes WebThere are ample computer jokes on the web that will crack you up with no hacking tools required. Is everyone here in this room with me now?, The daughter replies, Yes Dad, were all here! warning very sick jokes Archives | Inspirationfeed Did you hear about the blind prostitute? WebTwo peanuts were walking down the street. You can always call and ask for clarification when you need it. I dont. Source: rinkworks.com. read a cheese grater? 42. 61. A warm bush. The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. and quiet. Sick Jokes 81. Either that or they just like to 26. Very sick. I hope Death is a woman. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? 50 Doctor Jokes Thatll Have You in Stitches - Reader's Digest